Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT /// Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT /// Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT

Conspiracy Theory

Managed by Jensen · Ranked #10 in the Fake News Power Rankings

Record

0–2

Points For

278.0

Points Against

342.2

Streak

L-2

Scouting Report

Compiled by interns

By the numbers: 139.0 points per game (Week 1: 136.1, Week 2: 141.9), a +5.8 trend, season high of 141.9 and a floor of 136.1. The arrow is pointing sideways.

At 0-2, things are bleak. Not 'we need to make a trade' bleak — 'we need to make a lifestyle change' bleak. The good news: it literally cannot get worse. The bad news: we said that last week too.

They've also given up a league-high 342.2 points, because the fantasy gods believe in balance. Cruel, hilarious balance.

Currently on a L-2 skid. The manager has been seen refreshing the waiver wire at 3am. We've all been there. Most of us left.

The difference-makers: Lamar Jackson, Jahmyr Gibbs, Cam Skattebo, Drake London. If two of them hit on the same Sunday, Conspiracy Theory can beat anyone in this league. If none do — well, the game log tells that story.

“We didn't choose the mid life, the mid life chose us.”

Difference Makers

The names that decide Sundays

QB · BAL

Lamar Jackson

Week 3 vs DAL: gets Dallas in Rio in one of the week's highest totals (low 50s).

QB · CAR

Bryce Young

Week 3 vs CLE: Derek Brown's strong start: Cleveland allows the 5th-highest passing success rate and the 11th-lowest pressure rate.

RB · DET

Jahmyr Gibbs

Week 3 vs NYJ: a middle-of-the-pack NYJ defense.

RB · NYG

Cam Skattebo

Week 3 vs TEN: heavy rain and wind expected in East Rutherford.

WR · ATL

Drake London

Thursday final: banked ~28.4 pts (9 catches for 194 yards).

WR · TB

Emeka Egbuka

Week 3 vs MIN: a middle-of-the-pack MIN defense.

The Roster

17 players, 15 of whom have names we recognize

Pos	Player	NFL Team	Fake News Grade
QB	Lamar Jackson	BAL	The glue guy. The glue is old.
RB	Jahmyr Gibbs	DET	Bye-week hero, every-week zero.
RB	Cam Skattebo	NYG	Certified bucket-getter.
WR	Drake London	ATL	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
WR	Emeka Egbuka	TB	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
WR	Mike Evans	SF	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
TE	Harold Fannin Jr.	CLE	A cornerstone. Of something.
WR	Stefon Diggs	WAS	Vibes are immaculate. Production is not.
QB	Bryce Young	CAR	The manager's favorite. Nobody knows why.
QB	Kyler Murray	MIN	On the roster. Technically.
RB	RJ Harvey	DEN	The glue guy. The glue is old.
WR	Makai Lemon	PHI	A warm body with a helmet.
TE	Dalton Schultz	HOU	Vibes are immaculate. Production is not.
WR	Devaughn Vele	NO	Certified bucket-getter.
WR	Jordyn Tyson	NO	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
K	Ka'imi Fairbairn	HOU	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
DEF	Patriots	NE	Bye-week hero, every-week zero.

Game Log

Week	Opponent	Result	Score	Narrative
Week 1	immadi's Blitzers	L	136.1 – 192.9	A massacre. There will be a 30-for-30 about this.
Week 2	Marnie	L	141.9 – 149.3	A heartbreaker. The group chat showed no mercy.

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