Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT /// Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT /// Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT

MrBigChest'sWildRide

Managed by Elliot Drabs · Ranked #12 in the Fake News Power Rankings

Record

0–2

Points For

179.2

Points Against

235.3

Streak

L-2

Scouting Report

Compiled by interns

By the numbers: 89.6 points per game (Week 1: 91.8, Week 2: 87.4), a -4.5 trend, season high of 91.8 and a floor of 87.4. The arrow is pointing sideways.

At 0-2, things are bleak. Not 'we need to make a trade' bleak — 'we need to make a lifestyle change' bleak. The good news: it literally cannot get worse. The bad news: we said that last week too.

Their 179.2 points are the fewest in the league. To be fair, scoring was optional this season and they opted out. Bold strategy.

Currently on a L-2 skid. The manager has been seen refreshing the waiver wire at 3am. We've all been there. Most of us left.

The commissioner's squad. Running the league AND occupying last place is a power move nobody asked for. Every ruling he makes now carries the distinct aroma of a man with nothing left to lose.

The difference-makers: Michael Penix Jr., De'Von Achane, Quinshon Judkins, Rashee Rice. If two of them hit on the same Sunday, MrBigChest'sWildRide can beat anyone in this league. If none do — well, the game log tells that story.

“We didn't choose the mid life, the mid life chose us.”

Difference Makers

The names that decide Sundays

QB · ATL

Michael Penix Jr.

Thursday final: banked ~12.0 pts (18/25 for 256 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT).

QB · PHI

Jalen Hurts

Week 3 vs CHI: plays on Monday night in Chicago.

RB · MIA

De'Von Achane

Week 3 vs KC: a middle-of-the-pack KC defense.

RB · CLE

Quinshon Judkins

Week 3 vs CAR: Carolina allows the 3rd-highest rushing success rate.

WR · KC

Rashee Rice

Week 3 vs MIA: a middle-of-the-pack MIA defense.

WR · CLE

Denzel Boston

Week 3 vs CAR: draws Jaycee Horn, one of the league's best corners — an explicit RotoBaller sit call.

The Roster

17 players, 15 of whom have names we recognize

Pos	Player	NFL Team	Fake News Grade
QB	Michael Penix Jr.	ATL	The glue guy. The glue is old.
RB	De'Von Achane	MIA	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
RB	Quinshon Judkins	CLE	Certified bucket-getter.
WR	Rashee Rice	KC	The manager's favorite. Nobody knows why.
WR	Denzel Boston	CLE	Bye-week hero, every-week zero.
WR	Malik Washington	MIA	The glue guy. The glue is old.
TE	George Kittle	SF	A cornerstone. Of something.
RB	Tony Pollard	TEN	Boom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
QB	Jalen Hurts	PHI	Certified bucket-getter.
WR	Puka Nacua	LAR	Vibes are immaculate. Production is not.
WR	Dontayvion Wicks	PHI	Someone's fantasy team had to have him.
RB	Josh Jacobs	GB	The glue guy. The glue is old.
WR	Cooper Kupp	SEA	Bye-week hero, every-week zero.
TE	Terrance Ferguson	LAR	Bye-week hero, every-week zero.
WR	De'Zhaun Stribling	SF	On the roster. Technically.
K	Harrison Mevis	LAR	A warm body with a helmet.
DEF	Lions	DET	Certified bucket-getter.

Game Log

Week	Opponent	Result	Score	Narrative
Week 1	Chase'n Brown Kids	L	91.8 – 108.3	A loss. The film has been burned.
Week 2	Screamin' Scoobies	L	87.4 – 127.0	A loss. The film has been burned.

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