Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT  ///  Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT  ///  Trick Play Kristen LEAD THE LEAGUE IN SCORING AND WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT +++ BIGGEST BLOWOUT: Trick Play Kristen HUNG 84.9 ON Comrade Gritty's +++ TACO'S LOCK OF THE WEEK IS IN: FADE ACCORDINGLY +++ HOT TAKE HANK EATS ANOTHER HAT (HAT COUNT: 0, HATS OWNED: 0) +++ Conspiracy Theory SCORE POINTS, WIN NOTHING, DEMAND RECOUNT +++ SPREADSHEET STEVE CORRECT AGAIN, INVITED TO ZERO PARTIES +++ THE COMMISSIONER IS IN LAST PLACE AND EVERY RULING IS NOW SUSPECT
FAKE NEWS FOOTBALL
First Take meets The League
T

THOR

Managed by aconn · Ranked #8 in the Fake News Power Rankings
Record
1–1
Points For
231.7
Points Against
221.7
Streak
L-1

Scouting Report

Compiled by interns

By the numbers: 115.9 points per game (Week 1: 129.4, Week 2: 102.3), a -27.1 trend, season high of 129.4 and a floor of 102.3. The arrow is pointing into the turf.

Sitting at 1-1, THOR are the definition of mid — which in this league means one monster week from total glory or total collapse. There is no in-between. There never is.

Currently on a L-1 skid. The manager has been seen refreshing the waiver wire at 3am. We've all been there. Most of us left.

The difference-makers: Bo Nix, Ashton Jeanty, David Montgomery, Ja'Marr Chase. If two of them hit on the same Sunday, THOR can beat anyone in this league. If none do — well, the game log tells that story.

“We're not rebuilding. We're pre-building. There's a difference. We'll explain later.”

Difference Makers

The names that decide Sundays
QB · DEN
Bo Nix
The engine. As he goes, so goes the team.
RB · LV
Ashton Jeanty
The ground game goes through him. Everybody knows it, nobody can stop it. Allegedly.
RB · HOU
David Montgomery
One broken tackle away from winning somebody's week.
WR · CIN
Ja'Marr Chase
The alpha. Double him and someone else eats; don't and he eats.
WR · DAL
George Pickens
Target magnet. If the gameplan says otherwise, the gameplan is wrong.
TE · NYG
Isaiah Likely
The security blanket. Third down lives here.

The Roster

16 players, 14 of whom have names we recognize
PosPlayerNFL TeamFake News Grade
QBBo NixDENCertified bucket-getter.
RBAshton JeantyLVBye-week hero, every-week zero.
RBDavid MontgomeryHOUSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
WRJa'Marr ChaseCINSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
WRGeorge PickensDALThe glue guy. The glue is old.
WRTetairoa McMillanCARA cornerstone. Of something.
TEIsaiah LikelyNYGSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
RBKyle MonangaiCHISomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
QBJordan LoveGBCertified bucket-getter.
RBRico DowdlePITBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
WRJakobi MeyersJAXBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
RBWoody MarksHOUBoom-or-bust. Mostly bust. But BOOM.
QBCam WardTENBye-week hero, every-week zero.
TEKenyon SadiqNYJSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
KCam LittleJAXSomeone's fantasy team had to have him.
DEFEaglesPHIBye-week hero, every-week zero.

Game Log

WeekOpponentResultScoreNarrative
Week 1 Amon-Ra Doggin W 129.4 – 89.9 Handled business. Business has been handled.
Week 2 Iron Jayden L 102.3 – 131.8 A loss. The film has been burned.
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